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I Have Learned a Valuable Lesson After Two Years of Being Married to Hubby
They say marriage is a school. Now, I think so.
About six weeks ago, I attended a 50th birthday party for a colleague. That party felt like a party celebrating a wedding anniversary, not a birthday. The couple had been together for over 2 decades.
When the husband was giving a speech, he mentioned that since he got married, there were no issues he and his wife weren’t able to resolve between themselves.
I know how I felt when I heard that. I admired that cos this was something I constantly battle with.
My husband and I have been married for two years now. We still have our fair share of squabbles, at least once a week or once in two weeks. The squabble is not the worst part. It is the period of silence that follows that’s bad, a habit that festers more cos of hubby’s personality.
Being an expressive person, I process lots of things by talking or writing. I do the former more cos there are fewer barriers. That way, I get lots of things out of my system as quickly as possible.
So getting married didn’t change that. If I quarreled with hubby and we gave each other an earful, at least one of my BFFs would hear about it. The goal was to get the frustration out of my system or seek validation, or both.
However, I had an epiphany recently that some of these external talk sessions aren’t necessary. I dislike the idea of having to swallow my words after the storm passes.
Second, and many times, the listener lacks adequate background knowledge and wisdom to discern and analyze issues appropriately and unbiasedly. Often, they make things worse. Go ask some divorcees who have had the opportunity to reflect on past mistakes.
Third, eventually, I’ll make up with hubby. The listener isn’t present when these makeups happen. They aren’t there at the foundation of the relationship. There are so many dimensions to what’s gone on between a couple that are hard to analyze or fathom in a few talk sessions.
These realizations are actually comforting. I feel good for having good reasons to exercise self-restraint. Maybe this kind of realization is why people say marriage is a school cos there…
